Honoring My Rainbow Baby
You have to be willing to endure the storm to enjoy and appreciate the RAINBOW that follows.
I searched 4 years, endured 4 losses and experienced over a 1,000 shots before our sweet rainbow baby girl arrived. There were so many times over the course of our journey I thought we would never be here, holding this tiny miracle of ours. Even now, I still struggle (quite often) with all that we went through over the years to get to where we are today. When a rainbow appears, it does not mean that the storm never happened or that we are not still dealing with its aftermath. It means that something beautiful and full of life has appeared in the midst of the darkness and clouds.
Infertility and loss is something impossible to understand until you have experienced it yourself. And even then, it is so different for each person. In many ways, the grief experienced when you lose a baby is a testament to the power of women supporting other women on the unique (and at times painful) path to motherhood. It was this love and encouragement that saw me through the darkest of days, finding support from women who felt a similar heartbreak from their own miscarriage(s). We were part of a not-so exclusive, but very rarely discussed club (and also… a club you never wanted to be a part of). For when you share your story, you give permission for others to do the same. These women that welcomed and supported me made me stronger, they helped me move past the sadness and start to focus on the future.
Infertility and loss in many ways plant seeds of transformation. I doubt anybody choses to experience a miscarriage or infertility... I know I sure didn’t. But after each baby lost and/or failed IVF I noticed a pattern: I changed and the seeds of that struggle resulted in my growth. Infertility and loss made me more aware and also extremely grateful for the difficult times. Life is a continual process of struggle, transformation and growth. Although it may not always seem obvious, it you look at growth you can always trace it back to the struggle that preceded it. The struggle is part of your story, this crazy long, amazing and sometimes sad, but also joyful story!
There is a Rainbow of hope at the end of every storm. I love how my Tiny Tags dainty Rainbow is with me everyday and always, a reminder to the journey it took to bring this Rainbow baby into our lives! To all those in the wait, I wish for good in your horizon, so that you too may experience the joy of the rainbow that follows your difficulties in trying to conceive!