God blessed me with a sweet boy 4 years ago, but with that sweet blessing I’ve also endured heartache. The statistic of 1 in 4 (pregnancy losses) is something that only people who are part of the statistic will fully understand, and after 3 miscarriages I do understand it.
“God is good always” is a phrase I remind myself often. I have had two early miscarriages and one late term. I’ve seen a specialist to try and determine why this has continued to happen and nothing medically looks wrong; there’s no explainable answer. I know that not every pregnancy loss looks the same, but I think a loss is a loss no matter the specifics and being able to process it also looks different for everyone. Pregnancy is a true miracle, and that being taken from someone whether early on or late is something that can easily break you. After my late term miscarriage I begged my doctor to give me a hysterectomy, simply because the emotional pain of losing a baby so late broke me and I never wanted to experience that pain again. But as I got help with my anxiety and depression I realized I wasn’t alone in feeling this way. God had a reason for taking my babies from me too soon (or what I felt was too soon), and I realized Gods timing is always perfect. I am an open book when it comes to telling my story and hope that others learn to talk about theirs. Discussing miscarriage has always seemed like a taboo subject, at least when it comes to others talking to me about mine. But I don’t want people to feel bad about it or afraid to ask about it, instead I hope others choose to celebrate my sweet babies even if they were only with us for a short time.
My husband ordered me a Tiny Tags bracelet with 3 heart shaped tags, each with a set of angel wings engraved. I love wearing this as a reminder of the 3 babies I never got to hold in my arms but that God is now holding in his. I know that whatever our future holds, it will be MY story and I love having a beautiful reminder of that to wear each day.