Celebrating Both My Boys

My name is Dani Morin, and I am a mother of two. However before I get into my story, I want to put out a trigger warning that my story does include child loss.  Rest assured, there are still many happy chapters in this story I am grateful to share. 

In 2014 I became pregnant, however this was not planned. I became a single mama right away! The bond I had with my baby before even meeting him was unparalleled to anything I had ever felt before. I named him Deacon, and I wanted to protect him at all costs. When this little boy came into the world I realized that my sole purpose on this earth was to be a mother. There was not an ounce of motherhood I did not like. Well, maybe the chapped nips those first few weeks! In all seriousness, I genuinely loved motherhood, all the ups and the downs it entailed. As my son grew older, our bond grew stronger! It was truly us two against the world.

In October 2016 when my son Deacon was nearing 19 months old, he was found unresponsive at his childcare. We found out he was strangled by his baltic amber teething necklace, and when found, his childcare did not call 911 or do CPR. This teething necklace was advertised to be safe and effective for baby, however this clearly was not the case. My son died 5 days later and my world was forever changed. I didn't just lose a child, I now had a fight ahead of me. A fight to warn parents of the dangers of baltic amber teething necklaces and to make changes in the childcare system.

However, the next few years were extremely rough for me. Loss of a child always comes with loss of friends, activities, loss of self, and so many more layers. In 2018 I decided to reach out for help. I wanted to take my life back, and this was the best thing I could have done for myself. I started ramping up my advocacy. I went to Washington DC to advocate for childcare reform. We fought for justice in the court system, and I even started sharing my story online. I felt good doing this in my son's name. I knew I was not going to get my son back, but I missed being a mom. I craved motherhood more than anything on earth. I tried dating, but there was a lot going on at the time, a little emotional baggage if you will. Emotional baggage I do not think men were interested in, and I do not blame them. The timing was simply not right. In my professional career I was having the best year, and my mental health was getting so much better, however I still craved motherhood. So I decided to explore single parenthood by choice. 

Fast forward a few months, and our world shut down due to COVID. I was now single, pregnant, and scared, so I searched for community of other pregnant moms on TikTok. I shared EVERYTHING on that app to a bunch of strangers I didn't know, including my journey to becoming a single mom by choice. Of course people had a lot to say, but there was so much support. Moms would ask what I was planning on doing to prepare for baby, what baby products I was using, and I would share everything! I found that having gone through the loss of a child due to a dangerous baby product, moms appreciated the work I would put into my research. It was also a space for me to bond with other grieving moms. TikTok has been such a creative outlet and something that saved me during COVID and made me feel less alone. 

 In July 2020 I gave birth to my son, Rhett, who is now 3 years old! I can't believe it! We have lived this beautiful life together. I am a survivor of child loss, and I am very proud of how far I have come. I wear my Tiny Tags every day, and I haven't taken them off since the day I got them. I have the Mini Dog Tag with Deacon's name on the front and birthdate on the back, and a Circle Tag with Rhett's name and birthdate. 

They are a tangible representation of my journey and who I am as a mom - the highs, the lows, and the two beautiful humans that have called me mom. The two boys that have taught me so many lessons and still continue to do so, from earth and Heaven. MY tags are an opportunity to share my story with strangers, as they are a conversational piece. They are a reminder to my loved ones of our beautiful Deacon that we lost. These Tiny Tags tell a story and it’s the story I am most proud of.

- Dani Morin 

Follow Dani on Instagram, TikTok, and check out her breastfeeding-friendly clothing line, ZippyMama.