First comes marriage, then comes a baby? Gosh, sounds so simple. I really wish that was the case for us. We got married thinking we’d really love some time together “just us” before starting our family. I always wonder if we waited too late to start trying. I just wish I had known it was going to take so long. I can actually vividly remember the days where I was scared I had become pregnant. I would do a happy dance when my period arrived. How silly! Now, I would give about anything for my period to disappear for 9 months.
They say 1 out of 8 couples struggle with infertility, yet it seems everyone I know is pregnant. It’s hard not to compare. People all around me becoming pregnant as they’ve always hoped and dreamed for. Don’t get me wrong, my heart is full whenever I see someone I love and care for announce their pregnancy, but I can’t help but think, “why not us?” Why isn’t it our turn? When will I get to announce our pregnancy? It’s hard not to compare.
Being fully supported on this journey is more than I could ever ask for. Having a loving and understanding husband has really made a huge difference. I can go to him for anything and we are very open about our feelings. There are times I want to keep things from him to protect his heart because I know this is painful for men, too. Women aren’t the only ones who may be suffering in silence. Infertility can be very isolating for men and women. Unless you know what it’s like, it’s hard to relate with a family member or friend who is experiencing infertility issues. It’s hard when anyone offers unsolicited advice, but it stings a little more coming from someone who you know has absolutely no idea what you’ve been through. “Everything happens for a reason.”, “Just stop stressing about it and it will happen!” and my all time favorite “You are still SO young!” None of these are helpful. I understand most of the time everyone has good intentions, but I hope one day we will learn to stop offering advice. Sometimes all we need to hear is, “I’m sorry you’re going through this.” or “I’m thinking of you.”
As we are getting close to a little over 4.5 years of trying, I do feel a certain peace in my heart with everything baby related. We want to be parents more than anything in the world, but I think as I’m getting older and maybe a little wiser from experience, I am comfortable with the fact that this is not going to be easy for us. I am comforted by the fact that one day we WILL have a baby. This baby will know they were wanted and deeply desired by their parents for so many years. I know all the pain we’re experiencing will be worth it one day and that brings me peace.
Usually, Mother’s Day is a tough day for anyone who has suffered loss in any way and for obvious reasons, hard for women who are struggling with infertility. I’m always with my mom on Mother’s Day which is an incredible distraction. Celebrating what an amazing mom I have helps to take away from the fact that I’m not a mom yet. This year was different. With Covid-19, I was unable to travel to be with my mom like I normally would. I was feeling guilty about not being able to be with my mom, but it was a strange realization; life goes on and we we adapt. I didn’t get to be with my mom on Mother’s Day, but we made the best of it through FaceTime. We adapted to what was going on at the time and made the best of it. I think that’s what we’re all trying to do when it comes to infertility. I’m trying to adapt to the circumstances and my reality. That getting pregnant is most likely going to involve some intervention from doctors and medicine and I am coming to terms with that.
You might be wondering how do Tiny Tags relate to any of this? My Tiny Tags tell my story. My incredible husband surprised me with them - I did use the “Drop a hint” feature on the website - thanks for that! I didn’t expect both necklaces so that was the true surprise. My 14K gold skinny bar necklace has our wedding anniversary on the front and a sweet message from my husband on the back. My 14k gold mini dog tag necklaces has our babies names on the front and their birthdays on the back. Our babies may be covered in fur, but they are still our babies. My husband is so sweet and supportive and this is just a small way he wanted to show his support to me throughout our journey. I love that I can add tags to my necklace whenever we are able to add to our family. These Tiny Tags came at the perfect time. They tell our beautiful love story and represent a deep love that we have in our own little family already. We might not have human babies yet, but these are my babies for now. And for now, they are enough.