Post Birth Trauma + PPA/PPD

I gave birth to Aubrey Ann on Tuesday May 15 and we were discharged that Friday the 18th. Two days later I was in urgent care because I had trouble breathing while laying down and I knew something was wrong.

After having a chest x-ray done at urgent care, the doctor came into the exam room and said, “You need to go straight to the emergency room or you are not going to survive through the night. Your lungs are full of fluid and your heart is enlarged and if you go home and lie down you won’t be here to raise your newborn baby.” 

That drive to ER was rough. I was supposed to be home enjoying my newborn baby, not driving to the ER crying and thinking about me not being here to raise my child. 

I spent 5 days in ICU and was diagnosed with Pulmonary Edema. In those 5 days 40 pounds of excessive fluid was pulled from my body. My blessing is that I was able to have my newborn daughter in the hospital with me the entire time and my mom who helped me to take care of her. It was an up and down battle for me in those first 14 months after having my daughter - a lot of my postpartum anxiety & depression stemmed from the post birth trauma. 

This experience has truly humbled me and taught me to not take anything for granted. You grow through what you go through and as hard as this was go through and experience I know that everything happens for a reason. I am a firm believer in, “If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it.” From the doctor in urgent care who was adamant about me going straight to the ER to the nurses and doctors that took care of me while I was in ICU, I am forever grateful for the genuine concern, care and compassion they showed me. 

For my birthday last year my husband asked me what I wanted and I told him I wanted a Tiny Tags necklace with our daughters name and the date she was born. The day this babygirl came into our lives my life changed forever. She made me a mom and she was my reason for fighting for my life and still is my reason for pushing forward and working through my PPA & PPD. 

I wear my Tiny Tags necklace everyday as a reminder of how blessed I am to be here to raise my babygirl. I still have my moments with anxiety but with lots of prayers, support and love everyday has been better than the last.