Reconnecting Through Motherhood

Motherhood is such an experience. But what if you are a mother who has never experienced motherhood? 

My older sister and I were separated at a young age from our mother. We basically did not remember who she was by the time we reunited. Our relationship sucked; maybe I was holding some type of grudge against her for not being there. I always dreamed of her love and caring affection. I had only a few memories I would replay in my head from when we were little. Growing up without that mother figure was hard, but I think it helped my own motherhood journey come a lot easier. 

My relationship with my mom wasn’t the best when we actually did meet each other. I was already 14 years old... a lot had changed and too much time had passed. We have similar mindsets and personalities so we clashed a lot. I knew she was sad and scared to talk to us. It was as though she felt bad and didn’t know how to approach us with her grief. She’s a very tough woman; you’ll never catch her crying. I believe the main reason it took us a while to build our relationship is because she was unsure of how to approach us after that 10 year gap. She thought we were mad at her for all the time she missed. It was really hard for her to be a mother again. I think she felt like she didn’t deserve the experience, so she gave up on it. 

As time went by, I grew  older and more mature; my patience and my communication improved. I was becoming a woman who would soon be a mother to a child of my own. I started forgiving  my mother's absence and started moving forward. I wanted my mom to know it was okay and she didn’t have to feel bad. What my sister and I went through made us such strong young women. When my own daughter was on the way, I decided that I wanted to give her the chance to be a grandmother.

Since having had my daughter, motherhood has come easy for me. I honestly think that it’s because I wanted to give my daughter everything I didn’t have. It motivates me to be the best (or the closest thing to the best) mother ever! Motherhood isn’t easy nor is rebuilding relationships. My mother and I still still have a lot of work to do. She does so well with my daughter, and it makes me happy to see her being a mother figure to such a young heart! It shows me that if she had had the opportunity to be there while I was growing up, she would have been such a cool mom.

We now wear matching Mother Daughter bar bracelets from Tiny Tags. On my bracelet, I chose “my biggest blessing” because my daughter has opened so many doors for me and helped me find who I am inside and what I am capable of. For my mom's bracelet, we put “one of my biggest blessings “ because her daughters (my sister and I) have allowed her to receive an abundance of blessings - grandkids!